Back Again (To That Place)

I remember it.  I remember it well.  Back when I still had little to none of the sense I have now.  I was a fool, and I thought I was doing justice.  A small part of me still hurts to go back.  Back to the beautiful colors and the wondrous possibilities it held; though I now know none of them are real.

Perhaps I can go back to it, when I have learned to control myself better.  They ripped me away from it and taught me what it meant to truly be anything worth bolstering.  They have my eternal gratitude for that, and I know there is no way I can ever repay them.  But here I am now, thinking that I may be losing this battle within myself, and wondering what I should do next.  It feels just like it has a hundred times over.

When I do finally return to it, I hope that I can just silently smile, and maybe even cry a little, at how fortunate I am to remain who I am today.  Standing in front of the same stone wall, and feeling the same feeling of awe that I felt so long ago.

Perhaps I can go back to it, when I have learned to control myself better.

He Did and Will Forget

The fire engulfed the walls of the building and spilled over onto the roof in certain places; the light emanating from it brightening the sun's faint touch.  Standing still and facing to the other, both man and boy with contradicting faces looked into the eyes of the other.  The boy, of malicious understanding, and the man, of disappointment and failure.

"You forgot," the boy teased his voice, letting a slight pause, "to cover your tracks."

"I don't know what you mean," the man responded.

At this, the boy, holding no restraint, burst into laughter.  "You, you tried to trick me.  More than once, I see now."

The man remained silent.  He knew now that there was nothing he could say to sway the boy's mind.

"Your silence proves it!"  The boy went on, "You were always planning for yourself!  Not just you, but that... it... and that bird too!"  The boy saw the man cringe in self-restraint as he said this.  "Oh, oh oh oh.  You don't like that?  You have put it to yourself.  I've seen your real side."

"And?  What would that be?" the man asked curiously, trying to hold back his malevolence.

"A puppet of me, that's what!  But I'm too smart for you!"  At this point, the boy was switching between angered shouts and shaking words, almost at every pause.  "I've found the truth!"

Your truths are only lies.  The man wanted to say those words, in fury, but he stood silent, remembering his position.
            "Funny how much one learns looking into the sky," the boy started off, sounding dream-like, but then his voice took a loud and strong tone, harsh in its nature.  "HE will forget again!  You know!  You know it!  You will forget me and lie too!  Again!"

The man knew that there was nothing he could say to sway the boy's mind.  He remained silent.

Black-Winged Angel

            It was a nice and quiet place to sit and hide.  In this book, written in it, is nothing but tears.  Never a word was written by hand, but those that are written by feelings.  Being alone to nothing but the soft, definite light and dead eyes walking everywhere else continued.  Where was a place for a black fairy of dreams, lost?  A secluded bird, caged in willingly.  Will there be will to move on?

            He alone came to that place. All the words were spoken to open hearts.  He was kind, and honest.  He was warm, and inviting.  Taking the hand to light, led on the pleasant path, and leaving all that once was.  A friend forever was made.  The feelings cemented.

            Unpleasant ideas left one to one.  Alone again, but ailing for the other instead.  Leading a change to form the world around, unsung bonds became epics.  Only sung softly to one another, it became music for all to hear.  A lullaby we knew by heart.  A lullaby we kept without lyrics.

            Spreading the black wings, the raven took the unholy white.  Though pact was made, bonds were cut.  The invisible hellfire surrounding the arm of salvation broke away the heralded impossible bind.  Two sets of wings flew freedom that day.

            That comfortable, quiet place to hide was a memory, left to the book.  The lifeless eyes brightened to the future.  The everlasting friendship was forged, and the book of tears left to the memory’s keeping. 

Now an invincible light shines on the smiles us children hold, in the endless story and fantasy world that is as much real.  The black raven that of a white angel, only he could say, and in the end there is only one thing to hold true:  I love him.

The Unconscious Flood (Before)

It's just my imagination.  He can't be serious.  This can't be really be it, can't it?  Please tell me it isn't.
You are a puppet.
No, they just need me is all.  I can do this.
You cannot.  You will fail, and they will hate you.
Shut up, please.  I have no choice.  I have to do this not just for them, but for myself.
That's what they want you to think.
... What are you saying?
They don't care for you, they don't care.  They are the ones who trapped you here.  It is not a mystery to them.  They don't care.
...
Your life is expendable.  You heard what they said; they said that many others came before.  Why?
Because... They don't know.
How pitiful; you curl into your ball of safe ignorance.  You are meat to them.
He seemed happy, and friendly.
It was a disguise.
He... It, seemed supportive.
Only to reach its own end.
She's safe, isn't she?
She's as much innocent as she is truthful.  A beauty of a liar, she is a monster.
Please, stop.  I can't be thinking this.  My head hurts.  I want to rest.
Yes, rest.  That sounds like a good idea.
Maybe I should get something to eat.
That is if he would let me.
I'll nap until the evening,
Then I'll go for some more training, I guess.

Teal and Red Wheel

It was festive, there's no doubt about that; so festive, actually, that is gave of that aura even to the outside air, which was thick with rain.  Maybe two or three days after that incident with Apex, and then after Lance was finally able to organize his second house (which was used for storage only until now) so people could walk in it, we moved over half of the things someplace else and decided to have a little party.  Many people I didn't know were there, but it's always nice to meet new people, especially if you're going to be a new priest.

Soro wrapped his arm around me and told me to be prepared for bigger parties at the shrine sometime in the future, though he sounded pretty foreboding about it.  As long as I'm not pressured into any drinking games I think I'll be fine.  I don't drink, especially at my age.  No one minds, but they said I'll come around sooner or later.

I had one of those moments when the merriment isn't at its highest, but still in full swing, and you get that sudden urge for a moment of peaceful solitude.  I found my opportunity and slipped out to the front of the building, which was sort of half open.  I felt bliss at that moment, when my entire body felt a wave of warmth within itself.  I leaned against the wall near the door and looked out into the rain.  It was so thick that the grey color it gave everything faded the distance out.

I took a sip of water, and something caught my eye outside.  When I looked I saw a girl.  She was... maybe my age.  She looked younger than me.  She was walking through the rain slowly.  I could see she had a blank face, but her hair blocked out her eyes, and the rain and scene made her seem sad.  Another thing, which would have seemed more odd to me, but surprised me greatly instead, was that she had two brown horns coming straight outward of either side of her head, like rounded branches. 

I wanted to call out to her, but something told me that wouldn't be the best idea.  The horns made me more interested than anything, and made me want to call out even more, but I decided to listen to my instincts again and leave her be for the time.  She vanished out of sight after a minute, and I sat there thinking to myself with a feeling in my head of emptiness.

After another minute, Lance came to find me and drag me back to the party.  It was the most fun I'd had up to then, and I wasn't even challenged to a dual by Ruu, which seemed to be a pretty nice set-up for what was about to happen in the next few days.  I wonder how she'll react to it.  I can't wait!

Another Consecutive Day of Waxing

"You can't leave just yet," she interrupted.  "You aren't nearly close enough to recovered."
"I feel fine," I said.  "I was just a little tired."
"Usually people who are 'just a little tired' don't pass out in the middle of the woods."
"True," I couldn't argue there, "but I should be fine, right?"
"Not entierly."  She seemed to feel for my situation, but I was sure that didn't mean much in here since she doesn't call the shots.  "I'm not the best when it comes to health and medicine, but I hope you will trust my diagnosis for now."
"I guess I have no reason to doubt you," I gave in, "then again, I just met you a minute ago."
"Oh, yes, that's right.  Please excuse my rudeness," she spoke as flawlessly as I would expect a maid to.  "My name is Mimisae Ladren.  I am the direct maid to the mistress of this estate."
"I'm Jeremy Lawson, a priest in training at the shrine in the village."  I felt formal just talking to her; it's been a while since I was able to.  "Sounds like quite an interesting name.  I might even call it exotic."
"One of the mistress' gave it to me when I was taken into their care," she explained.
I knew this was going down a personal road, so I changed the subject.  "So, exactly were on the estate am I?  And are any of the mistresses around?"
"We are on the second of three stories, in the housing wing for servants.  My apologies, the guest rooms are unavailable at this time."  She nodded her head down in a slight bow.
"No no, it's fine," I said, "I'm not picky."
She had an almost ever-present and small smile on her face, but I could tell she felt a little better at me saying this.  "As for the mistress and her friends, most of them are asleep.  Only myself and the rest of the maids are awake to my knowladge."
"Ah... Well, thank you anyway."  I started to look more detialed around the room.  I don't see any use for this room other than to be here.  The only two pieces of furnature is the couch I was sleeping on, a very nice one at that, and a changing blind on the far side of the room in the corner, next to the windows on my left.  It's a very nice room; feels like one of those old mansions from Europe in the colonial age or something along those lines.  I never was really adept in that subject, but I think I'm right.
"Oh, pardon me if I'm intruding any," she said realizing how much time I've been silent.
"Not at all."  A certain thought came to my mind, though.  "Do you have anything I could eat or drink?"
"Yes, please wait for a minute while I get something."  She promptly turned around and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

Laugh Your Heart Out

I'm loving how this goes.  Oh the beautiful shade of red that's flowing down to the floor.  I wish it would stop soon.  It really should stop soon.  I hate you.  HA-HA-HA-HA-HA... Hehehehehe.
Mmm... The night feels nice, doesn't it?  Not that you can feel it now.  You probably lost all the feeling didn't you?  Mmmm, I wonder what that feels like.  I wonder if you can still feel pain.  STAB.  Oh look!  Another hole for the red to flow opened!  Tell me tell me!  Does it hurt?  Can you feel it?  You better. 
Gurgle!  Oh I love the sound of that sound!  AHHHH-HAHAHA!!!  WHAT a WONDERFUL night this is!  I should have done this years ago, shouldn't I?  I love your terrible and pitiful look!  Just look on your face!  Here, I'll hold a mirror up for you to see!
AHH! Hehehe... you look funny when your dying.  My face, I can't stop smiling like this!  I just love that look you have.  Please... Hey... Please keep that look from now on, ok?  I'll stop you here so it happens, ok?  Night night, big sister!