Patience for the Inevitable?

How could I get used to it like that?  It just kept happening over and over again.  The first few times I cried, and struggled desperately, but my fate wouldn't give way no matter what I decided to do.  Whether it was to talk to this guy and say this thing, or do this only at this time, I was always met with the same ending, if not given a slight change just before. 

After that, I stopped trying.  It was my first loop, or cycle, and of course I had no clue what I needed to do or what I needed to say.  I felt like I wasn't good enough for whatever was keeping me here.  Reminds me, I did a few things I could even now call insane back then.  When I knew the ending was coming, I would do something funny to me or odd to everyone else on the last day, just as a sick joke.  I remember one time I kept all of the passes to go to the bathroom and all of the money I was given for food, and on the last day I used them all up and laughed to myself as I bought a pocket watch. 

Why a pocket watch?  Who knows?  I will admit there was a mental break down, or "falling out", after I woke up a few weeks earlier.  I stopped doing those things, but sort of drifted since then to just go with the flow and end up where I was going to end up.  That was, of course, until I got tired of dying again and again and decided to do something.  It took me quite a while to break free, but I did; only to find that I only tumbled the first wall, but it was progress none-the-less.

After all that, I didn't know what to do, really.  I just decided from that point on to solve all of my problems over and over, helping other people out with their problems time and time again.  It became tedious at some points, but what's really two hours to an entire year or two?  And through it all I found a way to set aside an hour, go to a shop, and buy a pocket watch.  Every cycle had one, and one that looked very similar to the last.  I found that both comfortable and frightening, but it has become the symbol of my journey:  A small, but strong circle of time, where the beginning and the ending are always the same point.

Of the Four; Two

I won't have anyone die on my watch.  Not after then, of course; because it's too late for them, and, well, you.  It was foolish to everyone there to make a pledge like that, and now I have an empty space around me.  Well, you didn't really agree either.  You know I'm not one to sulk, but...

There isn't much time for me yet, since I turned it down back then. I went to your funeral; I would feel cheated if you didn't come to mine.  We'd be even then.  So, are you willing to pay back one last dept?

Back Again (To That Place)

I remember it.  I remember it well.  Back when I still had little to none of the sense I have now.  I was a fool, and I thought I was doing justice.  A small part of me still hurts to go back.  Back to the beautiful colors and the wondrous possibilities it held; though I now know none of them are real.

Perhaps I can go back to it, when I have learned to control myself better.  They ripped me away from it and taught me what it meant to truly be anything worth bolstering.  They have my eternal gratitude for that, and I know there is no way I can ever repay them.  But here I am now, thinking that I may be losing this battle within myself, and wondering what I should do next.  It feels just like it has a hundred times over.

When I do finally return to it, I hope that I can just silently smile, and maybe even cry a little, at how fortunate I am to remain who I am today.  Standing in front of the same stone wall, and feeling the same feeling of awe that I felt so long ago.

Perhaps I can go back to it, when I have learned to control myself better.

He Did and Will Forget

The fire engulfed the walls of the building and spilled over onto the roof in certain places; the light emanating from it brightening the sun's faint touch.  Standing still and facing to the other, both man and boy with contradicting faces looked into the eyes of the other.  The boy, of malicious understanding, and the man, of disappointment and failure.

"You forgot," the boy teased his voice, letting a slight pause, "to cover your tracks."

"I don't know what you mean," the man responded.

At this, the boy, holding no restraint, burst into laughter.  "You, you tried to trick me.  More than once, I see now."

The man remained silent.  He knew now that there was nothing he could say to sway the boy's mind.

"Your silence proves it!"  The boy went on, "You were always planning for yourself!  Not just you, but that... it... and that bird too!"  The boy saw the man cringe in self-restraint as he said this.  "Oh, oh oh oh.  You don't like that?  You have put it to yourself.  I've seen your real side."

"And?  What would that be?" the man asked curiously, trying to hold back his malevolence.

"A puppet of me, that's what!  But I'm too smart for you!"  At this point, the boy was switching between angered shouts and shaking words, almost at every pause.  "I've found the truth!"

Your truths are only lies.  The man wanted to say those words, in fury, but he stood silent, remembering his position.
            "Funny how much one learns looking into the sky," the boy started off, sounding dream-like, but then his voice took a loud and strong tone, harsh in its nature.  "HE will forget again!  You know!  You know it!  You will forget me and lie too!  Again!"

The man knew that there was nothing he could say to sway the boy's mind.  He remained silent.

Black-Winged Angel

            It was a nice and quiet place to sit and hide.  In this book, written in it, is nothing but tears.  Never a word was written by hand, but those that are written by feelings.  Being alone to nothing but the soft, definite light and dead eyes walking everywhere else continued.  Where was a place for a black fairy of dreams, lost?  A secluded bird, caged in willingly.  Will there be will to move on?

            He alone came to that place. All the words were spoken to open hearts.  He was kind, and honest.  He was warm, and inviting.  Taking the hand to light, led on the pleasant path, and leaving all that once was.  A friend forever was made.  The feelings cemented.

            Unpleasant ideas left one to one.  Alone again, but ailing for the other instead.  Leading a change to form the world around, unsung bonds became epics.  Only sung softly to one another, it became music for all to hear.  A lullaby we knew by heart.  A lullaby we kept without lyrics.

            Spreading the black wings, the raven took the unholy white.  Though pact was made, bonds were cut.  The invisible hellfire surrounding the arm of salvation broke away the heralded impossible bind.  Two sets of wings flew freedom that day.

            That comfortable, quiet place to hide was a memory, left to the book.  The lifeless eyes brightened to the future.  The everlasting friendship was forged, and the book of tears left to the memory’s keeping. 

Now an invincible light shines on the smiles us children hold, in the endless story and fantasy world that is as much real.  The black raven that of a white angel, only he could say, and in the end there is only one thing to hold true:  I love him.

The Unconscious Flood (Before)

It's just my imagination.  He can't be serious.  This can't be really be it, can't it?  Please tell me it isn't.
You are a puppet.
No, they just need me is all.  I can do this.
You cannot.  You will fail, and they will hate you.
Shut up, please.  I have no choice.  I have to do this not just for them, but for myself.
That's what they want you to think.
... What are you saying?
They don't care for you, they don't care.  They are the ones who trapped you here.  It is not a mystery to them.  They don't care.
...
Your life is expendable.  You heard what they said; they said that many others came before.  Why?
Because... They don't know.
How pitiful; you curl into your ball of safe ignorance.  You are meat to them.
He seemed happy, and friendly.
It was a disguise.
He... It, seemed supportive.
Only to reach its own end.
She's safe, isn't she?
She's as much innocent as she is truthful.  A beauty of a liar, she is a monster.
Please, stop.  I can't be thinking this.  My head hurts.  I want to rest.
Yes, rest.  That sounds like a good idea.
Maybe I should get something to eat.
That is if he would let me.
I'll nap until the evening,
Then I'll go for some more training, I guess.